I am starting this blog to chronicle my secret spanko life.
I’ve always been fascinated with spanking since I can remember. I never wanted my parents to spank me, I was afraid of that just like everyone else (because they did spank me when I was small). I missed it though, when they stopped because they tended to hold things over my head instead of letting them go, I felt like everything bad I ever did never went away unless they spanked me for it, because not only was it held over my head I still felt bad about it myself.
I was mesmerized whenever I saw a spanking element on TV (and still am really) I see it everywhere even when it’s not particularly implied, I can see the possibilities. For instance, when (in a TV show) a kind of parental or at least mentor relationship is established I can see instances where there might’ve been a spanking. Like on CSI:New York when Danny screws up I can imagine Mac spanking him. I see it all over the place, it makes me (and allot of other spankos) inspired to write fanfiction, it’s like the secret story-behind-the-story that no one else can see but us.
Anyway I started trying to find spanking stuff online and I found the fanfiction and I loved it. I had already been reading it but then I found out there were ones with spanking and I was hooked. I never liked to watch spanking fetish porn or read those stories because I’m not at all into that stuff. I desire 100% platonic, parental disciplinary spanking from a mentor type figure. Admittedly I’m only seeking a man (a much older one) and some might read too much into that but I believe it’s because I never had a father figure. Trust me it’s not at all a Freudian thing and I have no interest in having sexual relations before after or during a spanking or ever at all with the person who spanks me.
Some spankos want to find that perfect mate with which they can share their spanko-ness but even if I got married, my spouse would never NEVER discipline me. I believe a sexual partnership should be mutual respect and give and take not one being able to discipline the other because they can’t be impartial and I just don’t see it as…right. I don’t know, spanking for me is as far away from sexual feelings as an insect to a whale. Believe it or not most vanillas (non spankos) don’t get that they think it’s some kinky fetish or something. Most spankos don’t get it either most want a one true mate who will satisfy their spanko and sexual needs (sometimes simultaneously) or they want both from varying individuals.
A very small percent want disciplinary spanking only. I’m a small percentage within a small percentage, there’s something new. I can’t ever have a normal anything, it seems.
Anyway I started this blog to inform, to vent, possibly to locate the mentor with which I relentlessly search.
I’m a college student in North Carolina, a freshman this year (18 years old), double majoring in Biology and Chemistry. I am looking for a mentor to chat with and eventually meet in person. I want him to be a man, at least 20 years older than myself who I can confess wrongdoings and who can evaluate my behavior. Someone to scold, to encourage, to spank, and to advise me. I don’t really have that many behavioral problems, mostly just squabbling with my family and procrastinating.
I started documenting my feelings in a kind of ‘blog’ a long time ago, mostly to let my family know if I ever died and they searched my computer. I’m tired of holding it in though, no one in my real life knows and I still haven’t been able to find a mentor or someone close enough by that I felt safe to meet in person.
If that isn’t enough I’ve been lying to my own people, the spanko community since I stared joining real spanko sites a couple years ago. I first joined either Spanking Needs of Spanking Therapy when I was like 15 almost 16 years old. My profile got erased there because when I signed up some glitch had it displaying my real age (of course I had lied and said I was 18 but something had gotten screwed up, it said I was 18 on my profile but then another thing said 15). Of course it is illegal to be a member if you’re under 18 but that didn’t stop me, I was curious, that was the first spanko site I had found that said spanking didn’t have to be sexual, up until then I thought I was some freak among freaks, alone in the world.
All my profiles are linked, the spanko community as a whole is pretty small so I had to continue the lie, even now that I’ve turned 18. I’m afraid I’ll get banned or something if they find out I’ve lied. Also it makes a good starting point if I ever find a mentor, because they often want to give you a ‘cleaning the slate spanking’ but I don’t believe there should be a spanking unless there is a serious offense that you either know is wrong or have been warned about multiple times. So a multi-year lie I believe warrants a spanking especially if I continue the lie until we first meet and then tell him. Maybe the secret will get out through this blog but I doubt this’ll have any readers. This is mostly just to vent and perhaps to share with my mentor if I ever find him, that is.
I am now going to post my old entries from the digital journal I’ve kept so anyone reading this can trace my documentary as far back as I have recorded it (a couple years ago).
I’ll try to also post the dates they were actually written.
Note: This Post is the very first, it is sticky, the posts directly after this one will be in reverse chronological order, from most recent to less recent.